I've been crabby all week....really crabby. I have nothing, in the big scheme of life, to be crabby about, but that knowledge doesn't seem to be having an affect on my mood. To be fair, it has been a bit of a tumultuous few weeks. I had a few personal disappointments (sort of big ones, actually), an ER trip necessitated by a sinus infection, and then had to put my favorite dog down last week. And of course, I have been running my heals off for the last six weeks going to school full time and working 12-15 hours a week at the new church.
Part of what kept me going those six weeks was knowing that my dear husband had agreed to take two full days off during his busiest season, so that we could get away with our best friends to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. I was in a daily countdown! I even made the decision of when to put the dog down, based on our trip. Well, imagine my joy when my dear husband developed a strep-like infection and we had to cancel our trip. Instead of driving to scenic Michigan on a 60 degree day, we spent it in the Urgent Aid. I felt so badly for him....he just felt terrible to be the cause of the cancellation, on top of feeling just physically horrible! How could I be upset? So I kept plugging away....
The personal incident at the old church popped up again on Monday in a way that frustrated me further. And since I did not go away, I felt I ought to go into my Greek class after all. This is Reading Week at my seminary, a seminary invention to give you a few days to catch up on all the reading and papers that you are so behind on. So I had a few books to read, a big project to work on, and the next Vespers service at church is Sunday evening. The point is, do not equate Reading Week with Time Off. Unfortunately, in my head, I had done just that, so the realization that I was still charging ahead full speed was a bit unsettling.
To cap it off, I have to go into the seminary tonight (Friday, of all nights!) for four hours, and again tomorrow (Saturday, of all days!) for eight hours. This is to complete one of three seminars I am required to take on top of my 27 courses to graduate. I spent last night and this morning trying to convince myself I was sick, so I could cancel. There was NO way I felt like driving into the city tonight and tomorrow. I have too much homework to do, I still am not ready for the Vespers service Sunday, and my ill husband has been back at work and I have hardly seen him since Tuesday noon. Nope, the last thing I need is this seminar!
And the topic of the seminar was driving me nuts: The Spiritual Life of Religious Leaders. It is a required seminar. I don't have time for this right now!
Are you reading between the lines with me, here? Are you seeing God's irony? Can you hear God's chuckle? I must admit, it only hit me 20 minutes ago. I can be so dense. I was doing some homework (!) and all of the sudden I thought "you know, maybe this will actually be ok...maybe even GOOD for you right now. Maybe what you need the most right now, is some time that is NOT about class, or homework, or work, or Vespers, or disappointments. Maybe what you need is Sabbath....and perhaps that is exactly what this will be." Perhaps....
Sabbath....from shavat: to cease (or rest)
What would I need to cease from? Hmmmm...Doctor heal thyself keeps popping into my brain. I am thinking that perhaps God, and the seminary, have the right idea requiring me to attend this seminar! I am thinking that perhaps God's timing on this seminar is (as usual) perfect timing. I am thinking that once again, if I let myself get in the way, I just really mess up God's plans. I am thinking I will go with joy and an open heart tonight and find some healing for myself. I am thinking maybe my crabby mood is disappearing. I am thinking Sabbath!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Dirty Feet
Jesus sends the disciples out to get the lay of the land, so to speak, to try their hand at his ministry. And as a good teacher, he gives them all sorts of packing advice. Actually, it reads more like a list of 'what is not allowed at camp.' It is a list filled with not's; what not to bring, what not to do. One of his instructions to them is to shake the dust from their feet of any place that does not accept them, does not listen to them...and so is not listening to Jesus, in effect!
We studied this text at a Session meeting recently at my internship church. It was a great discussion by the elders, filled with as many questions as observations. And I must admit, it has always been a story that leaves me with lots of questions. But I find myself this time pondering the shaking of the dust part of the story the most. Usually it is the part of the story where he tells them not to take any money...I have some issues of trust and security around money, but that's for another post! No, this time, it was this idea to leave the ingrates behind. Jesus doesn't call them ingrates, that's my editorial comment. But ingrates they seem to me. And so he says to them; don't bother with them, don't waste your time, keep on moving forward, head on to more fertile land. Spend your time where we will reap something for your efforts.
It is interesting that this story is told in Matthew, Mark and Luke and each one of them uses that exact phrase to 'shake the dust' from your feet. Obviously it impressed them! Of course, I think of the dirty part of the dust. But I think it was more for them. It was the actual place where they were...the dust of THAT land, that town or village.
It all sounds great. At first. Just be done with those places that won't have you or your message. But I found myself wondering 'just how easy IS that, Jesus?' And when do you know it's time to shake the dust off? How much dust do you let pile up before you say, hey, it's time to start shaking this stuff off my dirty feet? How did the disciples decide 'enough is enough'? How did they know when to pull the plug and move on out? How much of an investment or price do you pay before you call it quits? Exactly how dirty do you let your feet get?
Jesus paints a not too pretty picture of what will happen to those places of dust that you have had to shake from your feet. Something along the lines of Sodom and Gomorrah, which were smited if you don't remember. The whole towns just up in smoke...just like that. And Jesus says those towns will be better off than the ones that make your feet dirty. Wow...
One benefit Jesus gave the disciples was a partner. There were lots of things he told them NOT to take, but a partner was on the packing list. He sent them off into the dusty terrain in pairs, with another. They were not asked to go it alone. So perhaps that is how they made the decision to stay or not to stay. Another mind, another heart, another one to council and pray with, to make the decision with. It seems to me life is always better with another. But certainly in this case, someone to ask 'how dirty are my feet? Should I keep trying here, or give it up, shake this dust from my feet, and move on?'
We studied this text at a Session meeting recently at my internship church. It was a great discussion by the elders, filled with as many questions as observations. And I must admit, it has always been a story that leaves me with lots of questions. But I find myself this time pondering the shaking of the dust part of the story the most. Usually it is the part of the story where he tells them not to take any money...I have some issues of trust and security around money, but that's for another post! No, this time, it was this idea to leave the ingrates behind. Jesus doesn't call them ingrates, that's my editorial comment. But ingrates they seem to me. And so he says to them; don't bother with them, don't waste your time, keep on moving forward, head on to more fertile land. Spend your time where we will reap something for your efforts.
It is interesting that this story is told in Matthew, Mark and Luke and each one of them uses that exact phrase to 'shake the dust' from your feet. Obviously it impressed them! Of course, I think of the dirty part of the dust. But I think it was more for them. It was the actual place where they were...the dust of THAT land, that town or village.
It all sounds great. At first. Just be done with those places that won't have you or your message. But I found myself wondering 'just how easy IS that, Jesus?' And when do you know it's time to shake the dust off? How much dust do you let pile up before you say, hey, it's time to start shaking this stuff off my dirty feet? How did the disciples decide 'enough is enough'? How did they know when to pull the plug and move on out? How much of an investment or price do you pay before you call it quits? Exactly how dirty do you let your feet get?
Jesus paints a not too pretty picture of what will happen to those places of dust that you have had to shake from your feet. Something along the lines of Sodom and Gomorrah, which were smited if you don't remember. The whole towns just up in smoke...just like that. And Jesus says those towns will be better off than the ones that make your feet dirty. Wow...
One benefit Jesus gave the disciples was a partner. There were lots of things he told them NOT to take, but a partner was on the packing list. He sent them off into the dusty terrain in pairs, with another. They were not asked to go it alone. So perhaps that is how they made the decision to stay or not to stay. Another mind, another heart, another one to council and pray with, to make the decision with. It seems to me life is always better with another. But certainly in this case, someone to ask 'how dirty are my feet? Should I keep trying here, or give it up, shake this dust from my feet, and move on?'
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